| WOW!!! What a week. I am not even the same person I was seven days ago. I was thinking about some things lately, okay, A LOT of things lately, and I have come to some realizations.
I am a planner, a meticulous planner, I like schedules and knowing who is coming over and when, and what I can do for them when they are here. I like helping people, and feeling like I actually matter. I am OCD and a control freak. I love the feeling of being in control of my life, knowing what bumps lie ahead and which way to swerve to minimize the damage. But this past week, I have learned that I dont know anything at all. I control nothing at all, and I have no plan, because it is not my life.
A week ago, I was pregnant with my second child, and the owner of a successful medical billing business. Today I am unemployed, and no longer pregnant. Talk about shocking to the system, a bump you didnt swerve the right way for. A plan that went haywire.
I can pick my clothes out in the morning, and I can choose if I want to fix my hair or wear it in a pony tail. All that meaningless crap, but I dont even know what the next minute has in store for me. And I must admit that is one hard pill to swallow for an OCD, meticulous planner of a control freak. As a matter of fact, I am still choking on it this afternoon.
So I know now that my life is out of my control. And if I think about it too much, I still get worked up, and lose sleep, and start trying to come up with a plan to minimize the damage this huge bump could cause. But then I realize all of my planning and lost sleep is to no avail, because I am not in control.
Then, with that realization, there is unimaginable peace. If I am not in control, then who is? My all-knowing, Lord and Saviour. And what a relief it is that He, knowing the whole picture of my life, is in fact, in control.
love yall- KM |
KM